5/26/10 – “I’m Barry Gibb! I will put you in the ground!!”
5/26/10 – “I’m Barry Gibb! I will put you in the ground!!”
It’s time! Will they duel to the finish, like Randy “predicted” or will they not? Me thinks they will. I’d kind of like to see them fight to the death.
Did you guys know that Lee sold paint before Idol? And that Crystal was a mom before Idol? These are things we need to know.
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5/25/10 – I think it’s gonna come down to a duel to the finish.
I found a notebook today in which I had copied down a conversation The Brother and I had while listening to ‘Beat Me Up’ by Allison Iraheta.
The Brother – This song is fuckin’ amazing. I’m gonna rape her.
Me – Me too. But I don’t know with what.
The Brother – With your tongue.
Anyway, on to Idol.
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5/19/10 – Goldie locks goes home
I hate people who come on this show because they want to make money to take care of their kid(s). Fuck you and get a job like everybody else. Leave this show to the people who actually desire to be singers. Ass.
The audience and me screams at Ryan mentioning Bieber’s name and then four people cheered at the mention of whoever the other guest tonight is.
Crystal talks for a while, but I don’t hear anything because my dog is barking at a chip. I looked up to see Ryan pretending to listen, but really only thinking, “Did I already have waffles for breakfast this week?” Lee talks and then some more Crystal. I just noticed that Casey’s face – not his head, mind you – his face, is fucking huge. It’s so huge. I’m glad I didn’t notice it before, because it would have drove me crazy all season. Speaking of driving me fucking crazy, Crystal needs to shut up about her baby and her diabetes. I don’t take that diabetes talk from Nick Jonas, and I won’t take it from you either. But oooh, it would be awesome if she sang that Jonas Brothers song about how Nick went to the doctor and found out he had diabetes. I could get down with that. That would rock.
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5/18/10 – C&C throw the competition for Lee
Ohio, Illinois, and Texas are the three towns we will be visiting tonight, after Ryan tries to be as tall as Casey and then has them say “this is American Idol.” I almost said, “has the boys say”, but then I remembered Crystal isn’t a boy, but still, it might have been fitting anyway. I wonder if any of you would have noticed.
Ryan’s hair is adorable tonight. He makes the audience yell for their favorite and every single person yells Lee’s name.
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5/12/10 – Reflecting now how things could’ve been
I mistook the preview for next week’s episode of Lie To Me for the opening of Idol. But then Idol started and I mistook the opening for a preview of some other drama show.
One of the sexiest things Ryan does is walk down stairs. When we get married, I hope there’s a lot of stairs in our house. And if there isn’t, I’ll have some put in. He’s gone at work so often, he won’t even be home to notice the construction. It’ll be like my wedding gift to him that is really for me.
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5/11/10 – As a matter of fact, I have loved a woman.
Carly Smithson’s band has a new album out, but it’s classified as “goth metal” and I’m afraid. That’ll just add a soundtrack to the nightmares I still have about her arm tattoo. I saw that shit up close!
5/5/10 – When I was 17, I drank some very good beer.
The show started all dramatic and full of Connick being serious and the judges all black with no faces because they are secretly undercover and I don’t even recognize it as the show. I’m sitting here doing something else, not even wondering why the show hasn’t started. But it has started. It’s just weird. But there’s my Seacrest, introducing it, and I feel at home again. Also, he points out that it’s Cinco De Mayo cause he likes to eat Mexican food.
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5/4/10 – Send in the clowns…
Ryan walks down the steps introducing our remaining contestants. Who are: bunch of dudes and Casey. And mmmm, Harry Connick, Jr. I am so down with that, bitches. I’m so down I might watch Hope Floats after this.
As the audience cheers for Ryan and/or the show, the camera pans around the room stopping on all of the old men. As if to show us that they have indeed breeched across demographics. One step closer to taking over the world.
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4/28/10 – if you don’t get that camera out of my face, I’m gonna bite you
Intro makes me dizzy. Theme song makes me dance. 33 million votes last night, and Seacrest looking sexy tonight. Also, Rascal Flatts in the house makes me happy on the inside.
Randy is dressed like an idiot, in case you wondered if things had changed.
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4/27/10 – Shania has returned
Ryan calls Simon, “the fountain of youth”. Ha! That’s dirty as well as funny.
Shania Twain. My dog got fed up, stepped on the remote, and muted the TV. I swear. It was funny. But I showed her, I turned the volume back up. Shania is all, “I wrote these songs about things I lived. So don’t fuck it up, bitches. Or I‘ll cut you.” and Aaron is all like, “I heard of Shania once, when I was in the womb.”
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