5/19/10 – Goldie locks goes home

I hate people who come on this show because they want to make money to take care of their kid(s). Fuck you and get a job like everybody else. Leave this show to the people who actually desire to be singers. Ass.

The audience and me screams at Ryan mentioning Bieber’s name and then four people cheered at the mention of whoever the other guest tonight is.

Crystal talks for a while, but I don’t hear anything because my dog is barking at a chip. I looked up to see Ryan pretending to listen, but really only thinking, “Did I already have waffles for breakfast this week?” Lee talks and then some more Crystal. I just noticed that Casey’s face – not his head, mind you – his face, is fucking huge. It’s so huge. I’m glad I didn’t notice it before, because it would have drove me crazy all season. Speaking of driving me fucking crazy, Crystal needs to shut up about her baby and her diabetes. I don’t take that diabetes talk from Nick Jonas, and I won’t take it from you either. But oooh, it would be awesome if she sang that Jonas Brothers song about how Nick went to the doctor and found out he had diabetes. I could get down with that. That would rock.

10 minutes in and they’re all still talking!! Shut up! Everybody shut up!! Except Seacrest. But everybody else!! I want less talk, and more of that jailbait they call Biebs.

The Ford video tonight involves gravity on the walls somewhere in LA. So wrong. That’s against the law and it’s goes against what Going Green is supposed to be about. Shame on you, Fox. Shame on you. But you make up for it by continuing to keep Seacrest on my TV every year, so kudos to you, Fox. Kudos.

Nobody is waiting for Casey when he lands in Texas. Then he drives around in a limo and somehow girls have shown up to scream and yell about him. Note to those girls: he does not have a girlfriend. Apparently, Casey’s hometown is named Cool. Or is it spelled Kewl? I bet that’s how Casey would spell it if it were up to him. I know it would be!! The sign he’d have made to show up when you enter the town would say “kewl lol population: me lol”.

Casey goes over to the hospital that put him back together after his car accident that I don’t remember hearing about. He thanks them for saving his life while some lady cries nearby. Then he sings and people scream and back in the studio he gets weepy with Ryan while Ryan tries to remember if the waffles he had this morning were plain or cinnamon.

Back from commercial, all the people who’ve so far been eliminated this season – I suppose they have names, but I’ll pretend I don’t know them – are in the audience. Then the guy who discovered Travis Garland, is in the audience with Ryan. Who the hell is Travis Garland? Is he related to Judy Garland? HE’s white. He looks like Rob Lowe, but the camera won’t zoom in on his face. He looks like Rob Lowe and Scott Wolf had a baby together and misinformed it that it could sing.

Crystal in Toledo. People screaming and yelling and it’s “Crystal Bowersox Day”. All those people would freak me the fuck out. I’d be like, “I changed my mind, I don’t want to be on this show anymore.” Especially after some guy had Crystal write her name across his man-boobs and then swore that he was getting it tattooed there. I’m scared and I’m not even there! Baby-Crystal is there. He’s cute. but I still don’t want to hear anymore about him. Then Crystal sings, blah blah blah and cries, both then and now in the studio with Ryan, as he debates in his own head between strawberries and blueberrries on his waffles.

Lee’s hometown! I almost went to this, but decided I didn’t want to possible be trampled by all these people. If I’d had the day off from work, I might have gone and risked death, but I didn’t and would have had to run over after work, and properly would’ve been caught in traffic more than doing anything else. Not really worth it. That ’pocketful of mumbles” song is playing over footage of people going fucking apeshit. And then Lee sings the same song. This is better than Casey and Crystal’s hometowns put together. Take that, bitches!!

Note to self: Download Lee singing ‘The Boxer’. And don’t forget.

Lee cries some more.

My mother – “He got his father’s looks.”
My father – “He got his mother’s vagina though.”

BWAHAHA! I come from a family of comedians.

Beiber!! I mean… some kid? Is here? To sing? Some songs?

JuleahFaye: are you hanging in there, mrs. robinson?
roarimaraptor: how dare you?!!!
roarimaraptor: and don’t bother me right now, this is my song
JuleahFaye: kara probably wrote it

I do love me some ‘Baby’. I don’t want to say too much and get myself in trouble. Ask me again next season, when I will only be frowned upon, not thrown in jail.

Results!!

The first person into the finale is… LEE!!

Joining Lee is…. Crystal!

Nothing surprising there. Casey sings all pretty, fist bumps Randy, and then picks up a child in the audience.

And out.