4/27/10 – Shania has returned

Ryan calls Simon, “the fountain of youth”. Ha! That’s dirty as well as funny.

Shania Twain. My dog got fed up, stepped on the remote, and muted the TV. I swear. It was funny. But I showed her, I turned the volume back up. Shania is all, “I wrote these songs about things I lived. So don’t fuck it up, bitches. Or I‘ll cut you.” and Aaron is all like, “I heard of Shania once, when I was in the womb.”

So I guess the theme is Shania week. Shania and Ryan hang out and giggle and girl it up, and then Shania wears stupid shoes in the video, and then Lee. He’s singing that looks like we made it song. This is so Cook-ish of him. He starts it out so differently that I can’t place it at first. “Making it his own”, I believe they call it. I’m downloading this shit. I’m downloading it and then letting it make love to me. While I drive. That’s how good it is.

Randy’s all like, “Awesome.” but with a lot of stupid other words. Ellen loves it, like I said. Kara says some stuff, but I can’t hear it, cause I’m distracted by the big piece of tinfoil she doesn’t seem to notice she got stuck on her neck. Simon loved it.

Idol Tour! Woot woot!! Mike makes Shania sound like she might cry but I don’t think she’s capable of it. Then she’s all like, “Just because you could sing the phone book doesn’t mean you should.” Hell yeah. Quit being boring, Mike. Then Shania-Bot nearly cries again.

Um, I forgot to pay attention. Sorry. I don’t know what he sang or how he sang it, but the judges seemed to like it. There’s some dirty words like “wet” thrown away and everyone gets nervous.

And then Casey looks like a pretty lady and sings a pretty song on his guitar that I have never heard of. I like it. I might download this too. Randy calls it his best performance ever, and he is not lying. Everybody agrees with Randy cause he was right for the first time in his life. Then Shania and Casey make out.

Crystal is wearing a dish towel as a dress and her and Ryan marvel over Shania’s white teeth. Quit dropping subliminal messages about Crest, Seacrest. I’ll buy some next time I go to the store. Just to make you happy! Cause a happy Seacrest makes a happy me. I’m not crazy about this song Crystal is singing, but she sounds good vocally. Randy loved it, but I’m still like, ‘meh”. Simon didn’t like it.

During commercial break, apropos of nothing:

stonehousekthx: and now i want marshmellows
roarimaraptor: mmmm
stonehousekthx: or an oreo
stonehousekthx: and by AN i mean AN Package

Mmmmmm, Oreos. Also, I need to teach her to spell marshmallows.

Aaron is singing something pretty that I may also be downloading. I should start paying attention to names of things, but I’m sure iTunes will know. Ellen was impressed cause she thought he was 16, but then when he says he just turned 17, she’s not as impressed. Ha! I love her. The judges loved it, especially Simon.

Siobhan is singing ‘Any Man Of Man’. This song goes along with that whole “I’d kill you in your sleep.” vibe I get from her. I don’t like this song or this performance. I hope she goes home. Ellen makes some joke, Kara loved it, Randy might have said something, and Simon thought it was perfect. What were they listening to?

Tomorrow, I’m guessing (ie. hoping) that Siobhan goes home. I can’t see who else it would be. It’s hard now.