4/21/10 – As long as one heart still holds on, then hope is never really gone

Idol Gives Back, bitches!! Starts out with Michelle Obama rolling her eyes at her husband as he talks and then his eyes glaze over as she talks. Also, his tie is effin’ huge. I didn’t know presidents wore such huge ties. Must be a political thing.

Dear President Obama, I am not your “dawg”. Don’t ever call me that again. Love, Me.

The audience goes total apeshit over Ryan tonight. Maybe they’re finally seeing what I’ve always seen. Or maybe it’s just the giant banner on the screen behind him. I don’t know.
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4/20/10 – I wish everyone was loved tonight

Ryan is so sexy when he’s talking about giving back. The audience goes apeshit which prompted my mom to say “They’re acting like Ryan Seacrest is in front of them.” Cause she knows this is how I would react were Ryan right in front of me. Only with me, the whole thing would end in somebody getting raped. It would either be him raping me or me raping him but either way, I win.

Alicia Keys, blah blah blah.

Tonight’s theme is inspirational songs. Inspirational can be subjective though. For example, you know what song I find inspirational? ‘Sexual Healing‘. Also, maybe something like ‘Irreplaceable’ by Beyonce. I’d like to hear Lee sing that and Beyonce and Alicia are practically the same person anyway, aren’t they?
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4/14/10 – Return to sender

I wish I could forgive Human Target for existing.

In black and white, we remembered Mike being saved by the judges last week and Ryan’s voiceover is like “Ducks win! Ducks win!!” Then we remember Adam being a wise mentor yesterday. I love looking at his face and hearing his voice when he’s being normal like that. Then we remember Tim dropping the zeroes and getting with the heroes, or something like that. And then Ryan is up on the ceiling to intro the show. Oh God, what if he falls? Not only would he bruise like a peach, he’d fucking die.
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4/13/10 – My tongue isn’t as talented as yours.

Today my mom said “the bomb” and I was so embarrassed. But she was saying it about peanut butter Oreoes, so it kind of evens out.

My friend Rose came over so we could have an Idol/Glee premiere party. A party which consists of the two of us and my dog. And lots of food (so much food in fact, that Rose can‘t see the TV over the snack table). And you know how I love food, Idol, Glee, and small parties.
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4/7/10 – Tell Ryan the cool points are out the window and he’s got me all twisted up in the game

Earlier tonight, I wanted to take a nap, but I can’t sleep in silence, and I was too lazy to go in my room with a fan, and my iPhone wouldn’t download a white noise app, so I put on Kara’s ‘Terrified’ on repeat and laid down until my dog gave me a look to say, “Bitch, change the song.”

I don’t know if I’ve said this enough this season, but I want to make out with Ryan. What I don’t want to make out with? Is this cloudy effect they’ve added to the intro. They’re making it look like a movie preview again, like somebody told them the Clash of the Titans thing they did last week was cool and so they’re still going with it. It’s all played over ‘Hey Jude’, which means that either Lee is going home or had the most votes ever.
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4/6/10 – Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll miss you

roarimaraptor: she wrote like every song that i’ve ever loved
JuleahFaye: this is true.
JuleahFaye: you’re falling in like with her, aren’t you?
roarimaraptor: i think so
roarimaraptor: i only hated her cause she was like the stepmom that chased my real mom Paula away
JuleahFaye: it’s not her fault daddy fell in love with her

Needless to say, I don’t hate Kara anymore. I don’t always think things through when I first decide to hate someone. It’s like Kara was my mom’s boyfriend that I was afraid was replacing my dad, but then I found out he’s really a spy from China on loan to the CIA and now I think he’s cool. My eyes have been opened. Not by Kara turning out to be a CIA agent (which, I haven’t discounted yet) but by a song called ‘Terrified’. Juleah sent it to me the other day to fill the hollow left in my heart when I was told our internet and cable were being turned off today (we have solved the problem). Then I learned – and I think I already knew it – that Kara wrote like every song I’ve ever loved in the world. I put my iPod on repeat this morning and every other song was Kara related somehow. I always thought all roads lead to Ryan Seacrest and Kelly Clarkson, but maybe all roads lead to Kara DioGuardi instead. But then any road that leads to her, also leads to Ryan and Kelly, so I was right the first time.
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3/31/10 – I need a bandaid for my broken heart!

I forgot that Idol was starting and got scared when it did. I was like, “What is this weird Idol logo and people mixed with a Clash of the Titans preview?” I know it sounds like I’m joking, but that’s really what’s happening.

stonehousekthx: and they thought adam was unnessesarily theatric

The moment we’ve all been dreading for seven years is here. Ruben Studdard. This is almost as bad as the nightmare I had last night that I was getting married. The wedding never happened cause the priest never showed up, kind of like tonight, how the entertainment never showed up.
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3/30/10 – I’m wearing my I <3 Ryan Seacrest shirt

Today, I renamed my city in Social City to Crestopolis. Go ahead and judge me. Go ahead. I dare you.

Ew, I just thought Casey was Constantine. I almost threw up but then the judges were all having an orgy backstage and I laughed instead of puking and now the puking feeling is gone.

It’d be funny if the Fant Asia screen accidentally slammed shut on Randy. And it would be awesome if Ryan came sliding down the stairs on a slip in slide in his bathing sit and then hosted the show dressed like that. And by awesome, I mean, hot and sexy. But also, awesome.
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3/24/10 – Jitterbug

I got stuck watching the end of Human Target again. One of these days… so help me God.

You know what would be awesome tonight? If the Idols did a Miley medley. That would so rock and I won’t even pretend that I wouldn’t be excited as hell about it. And you know I’m not above singing along.

The opening tonight is like super, crime fighting drama/action music. Adding dramatic Miley to the dramatic opening, almost makes it more dramatic and dangerous. Kind of like, ya know, how Sesame Street is dangerous. They should have used these awesome editing effects when they actually had good contestants. I mean, they had so many seasons to choose from. Anything but 3, 6 and this one. Bad things always come in threes, so now I fear for season 12. And season 15, if anybody is still alive for that, the show and Seacrest included.
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3/23/10 – You will lose a lot of money if you go home this week.

Judges walk out of Fant Asia screen – Ellen is called “Aaron” again. Ryan walks down those stairs, and makes me nervous as always. People clap and cheer, and hold up “I <3 Simon” signs. Randy wears a cardigan and a stupid necklace. So nothing new there.

If you forgot, we sent Lacey home last week and Ryan is already totally over it.

Miley Cyrus is our mentor tonight. It’d be funny if everyone was wearing cardigans, rather than just Simon and Randy. Ryan’s all like “Simon, I can almost see all your business in that sweater. Please take it all the way off.” Simon orders him to stay away.

The top 11 look like a youth group, led by Pastor Mike. I think I might wanna see the youth group summer tour.
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